If your guy is not afraid of losing you, you need to sit back and ask yourself why. The quick and easy answer to this is because they have no fear you would ever leave them. You have made it too easy for them. After all, they have seen you tolerate their countless nonsense, bad behavior and bad manners. So what’s one more time going to hurt?
You are the one getting hurt, not him. So why should he stop for fear of losing you? Since you haven’t left yet, he doubts you ever will. When you make abnormal behavior acceptable in a relationship, it becomes the norm in your relationship. This is the fastest, quickest and easiest route to a dysfunctional relationship.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF
If you want him to be afraid of losing you, you will have to stand up for yourself. No one is afraid of a weakling. A strong, empowered woman knows that she has to back up her words, or ultimatums, with actions. And her punishment with actions. If you don’t mean it, he will not believe you.
You have to be believable. If he knows you are terrified of losing him, no matter what he does to you, how could you possibly expect him to have any fear of losing you? When you show him you will stay with him at the expense of your own self-respect, dignity, and happiness, why in the hell should he be afraid of losing you? He shouldn’t and he won’t!
He needs a natural, normal fear that if he screws up badly, he will lose you. But in order for that to happen, the first time he screws up, you have to end things. And end them in a believable way. Even if you are just making a point and hoping he will beg your forgiveness.
If it is not believable, the fear goes out the window. And you are scary as a puppy. Think about all the things we fear. We are afraid of these things because they will either cause us to lose something, hurt us or kill us. That’s where most fears come fro. Fear of death, loss or pain, don’t they? If you are the only one feeling any pain or loss, then why should you expect him to be afraid? Do you think he will be afraid of your tears, your pain or your broken heart? He won’t!
START BY LOOKING AT YOURSELF
A good place to start working on healthy fears in a relationship is to examine your own first. If your fear of losing him is so great it allows you to tolerate his bad behavior without taking a stand you will never get the relationship to have proper balance or mutual respect. It’s time to examine why you allow yourself to stay in a relationship where you are undervalued and disrespected.
Remember, once they lose respect for you their feelings will change anyway. It ‘s just a matter of time. Why? Because you cannot really love what you do not respect. By putting up with intolerable behavior you may hold on to him longer. But expect the bad treatment to continue, or get worse. You have taught him he can do terrible things to you and won’t lose you. Don’t expect him to feel too guilty either. If your hurt feelings are not enough for you to put yourself first, you can’t expect him to put your feelings first either.
HE’S NOT AFRAID OF LOSING YOU IF DON’T CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR
If he won’t tell you how he feels stop telling him sharing yours. When he has no time for you, don’t have time for him. If he has not yet made a commitment don’t behave like you are already committed to him. If he cheats end the relationship immediately and go quiet for a while. You need to act like he is losing you when he does the things you consider deal breakers.
If your relationship is an on/off relationship,realize he does this because you show him he can get away with it. He is not afraid of losing you because he has done this so many times. And you never moved on, found someone else, or turned him away. Sure, you may have bitched at him about it, but he is not afraid of your words.
He would only be afraid of you moving on or turning him away when he comes back. Have you done either of those things? If you haven’t, don’t sit around dumbfounded that he did it again and again. Every time you allow it to happen you prove to him that he can do it again. Instead he should fear losing you when he does. So your choices are to either grow a set or accept it. Because you are not a person to be feared.
LOOKING AT THINGS REALISTICALLY
It is time to accept certain facts and to be honest with yourself. If you truly believe he can change it’s time to put your foot down. When he doesn’t change, why keep waiting for change that may never come? Most people only change when they have to. So shouldn’t you make him HAVE TO? If you are hanging in there because you believe he doesn’t have it in him, then what are you doing with him anyway?
How long do you have to be unhappy before it dawns on you that being in this relationship makes you unhappy? Don’t you want and deserve to be happy either with him or without him? If being with him is a sure-fire way to be unhappy, then it is time you faced your fears of losing him!
Why should you let your fear drive YOU? Shouldn’t you demand respect? Do you fear telling him how you deserve to be treated? Are you like that with everyone in your life or just with him? If it is just with him, then you need to ask yourself why. You changed for the worse for someone who treats you worse than anyone else in your life does. Why would you want to be with someone who does not bring out the best in you. And instead brings out the worst in you? Until you are strong enough to face the fact that you may lose him, you are only going to continue to lose yourself. And no one will even recognize the woman you have become.
ot every man is going to be afraid to lose you. Many men withdraw and mistreat women as a way to get rid of them. The problem is many women simply won’t let go, but will hang on tighter than ever. Sometimes we are not valued by the people we love the most, but either way, don’t you want to know the truth? Or do you just want to waste more and more of your time living in fantasy land? Just because you believe in fairy tales or miracles does not mean they will come true for you.
BEING PREPARED FOR WHAT COULD HAPPEN
Keep in mind that by standing your ground and creating and enforcing healthy boundaries does not insure he will step up to the plate. Each relationship is unique. He may simply not be afraid of losing you because he doesn’t care enough or love you enough to do what is right. He may enjoy the unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship that you have and resist any change. We can tell you if he will regret losing you and will step up to the plate or if he will let you go and find someone else to treat like dirt. What you do with that information is entirely up to you.
Fear can keep us from taking the one we love for granted, keep us from stepping out of line, or doing something to risk losing the one we love. If only one person in a relationship has that fear, the relationship will forever be one-sided. It will never grow, mature, or last. It is time to face your fear of losing a relationship that is going nowhere And it’s high time to implement the element of fear in the one you love, or it is time to let go and move on to something better.
If he does not value you, or the relationship he shares with you, how can you value yourself? You can’t. You won’t. Because if you did, you would get away from this idiot who places so little value on you. So why do you continue to place value on the relationship? Why are you so afraid of letting it go? It won’t bother him if you did let it go anyway! So what are you holding onto?
What it all boils down to is that a little fear in a relationship is actually healthy for the relationship. When both parties have a natural fear of losing each other they respect the relationship and each other. When you are the only one with fear in the relationship, the fear grows. But so does the neglect and mistreatment. There may be a chance to get that healthy fear back into your relationship before it is too late. You owe it to yourself to find out if you have a chance, and how to go about making your relationship better.
Originally posted on June 2, 2013 @ 11:12 am