If your soulmate is emotionally unavailable, it will be very frustrating. Just because someone is single does not mean they are emotionally available for a relationship. Just because someone is single does not mean they want to have a relationship. And especially so for one that comes with the deep connection of soulmates.
NOT EVERYONE WANTS A SOULMATE
Not everyone will be searching for their soulmate or romantic partner this lifetime. They may be in a different place than you in their evolution and only want casual relationships. There are also people who have absolutely no intention of being monogamous, although they may say they are. They will never be emotionally available for you. There are many reasons why people will not be emotionally available for the type of relationship you are looking for.
It is not always easy to spot an emotionally unavailable man or woman. They may present themselves in such a way that you believe they are ready for love. Everything may be flowing smoothly. You spend time together and they may really be pursuing you. And you like it. You have been hesitant with your feelings and keeping them in check, but they insist you are the one. They may even talk about your connection.
You finally give in, allowing yourself to open to the emotional bond that is forming, out of nowhere come the signals of an emotional midget. They withdraw, they pull back. And they start to cancel dates or fail to respond to calls and messages. You are more confused than ever because they displayed the signs of being emotionally ready.
But the instant you open up the walls go up and the lines of communication go down. When the possibility of a real relationship becomes a reality it’s more then they can handle. As long as it is an idea, it was ok. But the reality of it causes them to bolt.
Before you invest your heart in a relationship, you need to make sure you choose an emotionally available person. Here are some signs of someone who is emotionally unavailable so you can spot one.
SOMEONE ALREADY IN THEIR LIFE
If they already have a significant other they emotionally unavailable. If they are not divorced or still with someone, they are emotionally unavailable to you. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If they are separated but still live together for ANY REASON AT ALL, they off-limits to your heart. When you live with someone you cannot give someone else 100% of you. No matter how hard you try.
You will never get all they have to give because they are not available enough to give it to you. Even though they say they do not love the other person. Even though they say they love you. They may say they are not having sex and sleep in separate bedrooms. They insist you are their only sexual partner. But as long as any fragment of that relationship is intact they are not fully emotionally available to you.
THEY DISAPPEAR WITHOUT WARNING
If they are hard to reach for days, weeks or months, without explanation, they are emotionally unavailable. If they want to get closer to you, they would keep your communication steady and reliable. You would discuss deeper things than sex, the weather and your jobs. Your communication to learn more about them and give you the chance to learn more about them.
If trying to get them to talk is like pulling teeth they are emotionally unavailable. Never being available when you call or text the same rule applies. If the only way you communicate is through text, you both need to grow the hell up. When they don’t make communication with you a part of their life, they are unavailable to make YOU a real part of their life.
NO BOUNDARIES OR LABELS
If your relationship has no labels or boundaries you are with someone emotionally unavailable. If you do not know if you are their girlfriend or boyfriend they are emotionally unavailable. When they refuse to talk about feelings or where this relationship is going, if you are even in a relationship run as fast as you can from this emotional midget. If their words and actions do not support each other, then you are with an emotionally unavailable person who is sending you mixed signals.
When you are with a someone long enough, the relationship develops a pattern. You talk once, twice or three times a day. And you see each other every “X” amount of days. You also know you will see and hear from them again. When you are with someone who is emotionally unavailable, at the end of each phone call, you have no idea when you will speak to each other again.
After you part company, you wonder when and if you will see them again. This is not normal and is unacceptable. If you can’t begin to depend on them to call and make plans to see you, they are emotionally unavailable. When they don’t answer the phone when you call with an emergency, they are not emotionally available to you.
NOT GOTTEN OVER THE EX
Someone who is single, but has not dealt with issues of a past relationship should be emotionally off-limits. These folks could still secretly be in love with their ex. Or they tell you all about it ~ ALL THE TIME ~ when you are out together. They have not resolved their feelings from their last relationship. And they could be using you as the rebound to help get over the ex. They are treading water with you in the hopes the ex will return to their life at some future point.
They tell you they can’t open up to you because they are still resolving the issues of their last relationship. Then they proceed to tell you (with tears in their eyes) the gory details that led to the relationship’s demise, they are still emotionally attached their ex and not available for you. You will not be able to rescue or save them from the horrible creature who did this since they are still emotionally attached to that past relationship.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE ALL OF THIS?
So what do you do with an emotionally unavailable soulmate? How do you handle the relationship? Bottom line is they will not be there for you. You may believe if they heal from a past relationship you can sit tight and wait it out. Honestly, it is not in your best interest to do that WITH them.
No amount of love you show or things you do will be able to crack the steel drum around their heart. You can not fix or heal them. It is not your responsibility anyway. You may want to be there so when he does heal his emotional issues you are the first one he turns to. Bottom line though, if you made that great of an impression anyway, he would come to you when he is ready for love again.
Loving an emotionally unavailable soulmate is very draining because you are doing all the work. They are doing nothing. You are giving and not receiving anything. You can only do that for so long until all your reserves are gone. Sitting back and hoping for change is not going to fix this dysfunctional relationship. We all want to do the best we can to not be shocked, disappointed or hurt in our relationships. The best insurance we have to prevent that from happening is to choose wisely. An emotionally unavailable soulmate is not a wise choice.
Originally posted on June 8, 2013 @ 9:17 am