There is a big difference in fantasy vs reality. Every little girl knows the stories of Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. They all lived happily ever after with a handsome prince.
FAIRY TALES, ROMANCE NOVELS AND TELEVISION
For some of us, these stories have carried over into our adult lives and hope for our relationships. We read romance novels and watch romantic comedies where the handsome hunk overcomes the maiden to conquer her. And they too seem to live happily ever after. We long for, and yearn for, that same type of relationship. You know where the guy comes in and sweeps us off our feet and floats with us thru the Tunnel of Love to our own romantic bliss.
We see romance bloom in a matter of weeks. And then we see women swoon as their true love rushes to the airport to stop them from boarding a plane that will carry them off to another country. And of course we often expect the same for our lives. These entertainments fill our lives with unrealistic expectations when it comes to our own relationships. So many people are looking for the fantasy guy to charge in a white horse and rescue them from <<insert drama here>>. But putting that kind of expectation on another human being is not realistic. For some of us, separating fantasy vs reality in our own lives can become a difficult task.
RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THEIR UPS and DOWNS
Romance has it’s ups and downs. It is the downs where you really learn about someone. Everyone can be on their best behavior when times are good. But when things are rough you learn if you can really count on someone. You can share good times with almost anyone, but to find someone supportive through the rough times is rare.
When your soulmate turns into a major disappointment because of how they handled a rough patch, you should not focus on how wonderful they were in the beginning. Or when times were good. This is where fantasy vs reality kicks in. The rough times will always be there. So you need to know if you can depend on this person. It is great they are willing to go through good times with you. But if they won’t stick with you during challenging situations, they are not who you thought or fantasized that they were.
RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE OVER TIME
When you believe your relationship will always be like it was ‘in the beginning’ you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. This is another example of fantasy vs reality. And you may very well be living in fantasy land.
In the beginning of a relationship, both parties are on their best behavior. You are both trying ‘win’ someone over. It makes sense that both parties put their best foot forward. In the beginning of a relationship you are getting to know each other and that requires communication.
You may communicate daily for weeks on end, even months, as you talk and text until the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, this may cause you to believe this level of communication will continue indefinitely. But as your fantasy vs reality sets in, and communication becomes more infrequent, you may feel threatened, ignored or abandoned.
You have just arrived at the more realistic stage of the relationship. And this is where communication becomes normal. This does not mean the relationship is falling apart, or that the he is withdrawing from you. It simply means that your relationship has hit the stage that is more realistic. The guy you have now, is the real guy. Who you have now is the person you will be dating or having the relationship with. And not the fantasy of who he was in the beginning.
DO BAD BOYS BECOME GOOD MEN?
In movies and books, the bad boys wind up having a heart of gold they have kept hidden until they meet the right chick. That may be true in fantasy-land. But here on earth, the reality is bad boys are usually more trouble than they are worth. Bad boys very seldom grow up to be good men. In fantasy vs reality, all they need is one good woman, the right woman, to set them straight.
Before you begin to fantasize that woman is you, be aware you are just his next victim. You may feel you have enough love to turn him around, making him the loving attentive partner you desire him to be. Bad boys do have a certain attractiveness. But why? If we are dealing with reality, shouldn’t we run from men like this? Why then do we fantasize we are the one who causes him to change his ways?
Unfortunately, this is what makes us drawn to them. If your bad boy is into drugs or alcohol, you will probably not be able to turn him from that. They are attached to the addiction which will have a larger role in the relationship than you do. Save that for a professional. Trying to turn a bad boy around will only create frustration and disappointment in your life.
SO I SAW THIS CUTE GUY….
There may be someone you are attracted to at work, the gym or the pizza place. He may seem like a nice person, and someone you are interested in dating. There is nothing wrong with that unless you allow yourself to get carried away with your fantasy vs reality. You don’t really know this guy. And you don’t know what it’s like to date him or be his girlfriend. You don’t know how he acts outside the venue.
Don’t build up who you think he may be or what he is like in your head. Don’t fall for the fantasy of who you think he may be, or what he may be like, or the future you may have with him. Wait and find out. You should not get too emotionally invested before something even starts.
Don’t allow your fantasies to create feelings or expectations before a romance can start. Because it may never start. Or may be a huge disappointment. Let’s say he finally asks you out on a date and several dates after that. You are thrilled your fantasies are finally becoming a reality. In your head you plan what your future married life with this guy could possibly be like.
But as you start to spend more time with him you begin to realize he is not the guy you thought he was. In reality, he lives in his mother’s basement and spends a lot of time online playing video games. You realize he has no ambition or desire to make himself a better person. Your fantasy relationship has now fallen flat and you are once again wondering why you are still single.
Real life should not necessarily imitate art and quite often, doesn’t. There is nothing wrong with using your imagination to conjure up what your perfect guy would be like, and what a perfect romance would be like. Problems begin to occur when no man could possibly live up to the perfect man who exists in your mind. Creating and focusing on fantasy vs reality of any situation especially romantic ones, can get you into the wrong relationship, or keep you in the wrong relationship.
Originally posted on 06/25/2013 @ 8:02 am