For part two of our article about your soulmate and his ex, we are going to focus on the on/off relationships that seem to plague many soulmate couples.
Quite frequently, the ex does not want to let go of your soulmate and the happiness the two of you share. No matter how long they have been broken up, the ex will still jump at the chance to take your soulmate back. Sometimes an ex may believe your soulmate is actually their soul mate. Sometimes they just don’t want you to have them, because they don’t want them to find a greater happiness with you than what they had. Very often they just want to ruin your chance to find happiness with their ex. Since they are not happy, they don’t want you and their ex to be happy either. So, the ex leaves an open door for your soulmate to return. This can cause a major problem and create all kinds of difficulties.
You may worry your soulmate could go back to their ex, and because of that worry you let things slide. Actually, you let too many things slide. The fear of your soulmate going back to his ex will create a dynamic in your relationship that will be very difficult to change down the road. When a couple gets together, they create their roles and rules in the relationship. If your fear of your soulmate going back to their ex keeps you from creating and enforcing healthy boundaries, you will wind up in a dysfunctional soulmate relationship. The strength of love propels a relationship forward, the weakness of fear destroys the ability to create a solid foundation for a relationship. If you are coming from a place of fear, what you fear most (which is the end of the relationship) will most likely come to pass. If you have faith in the relationship, and in yourself and the connection you have, you will have the strength to do what needs to be done to preserve that relationship.
Sometimes the fear of your soulmate returning to their ex becomes a reality. You soulmate may not be ready to embrace the connection you share and learn their lessons. They may develop an on/off relationship with both you and their ex. Things seems to be going great between the two of you and then all of a sudden your soulmate starts acting weird. You feel a strange distance developing between the two of you. You have this nagging feeling they may be in communication with their ex. You ask your soul mate what is wrong and they tell you everything is fine. But you know better.
Then, *poof*, your soulmate is out of your life and back with his ex. You are devastated. You worry he will never come back. You wonder what kind of power she has over him that makes it impossible to let go of her. Believe me, she has zero power. You don’t either. HE has all the power and is using it against the both of you. He wants his soulmate in his life, but isn’t willing to step up to the plate. The ex keeps your focus them, and not him or your soulmate connection. You may blame the ex. Don’t. He is to blame. He is not their victim. You are his victim. Both you and the ex want him exclusively. Both you and his ex want the on/off relationship stuff to stop. Neither of you is getting want they want. Only he is. Again, blame him.
This cycle of insanity has to come to a close. The ex needs to stay in the past, and he needs to move forward with you into the future. The only way it will change is when someone finally puts their foot down, and unfortunately that person may need to be you. This is where you need to enforce boundaries within your relationship and make them realize you will no longer be the victim in this on / off relationship game.
Contrary to popular belief, soulmates face a lot of relationship issues. In the real world, the Universe, or fate, does not step in to ensure a couple will stay together. That only happens in chick-flicks. Soulmates are not in our lives for a perfect romantic relationship. Soulmates are in our lives to provide personal growth and life lessons. Many people, who are involved with soulmates, are often surprised by the number of issues, problems and obstacles they encounter with their relationship. Based on our experience, we have compiled a list of issues soulmates need to be aware of when in a soulmate relationship.
1. Bad timing. Many soulmates have to deal with bad timing. If one or both partners are involved in other relationships when they meet, a bad timing issue is present. Another could be that the soul mates meet but one has to move across the country for work or family crisis. The time apart can be very challenging for one or both soulmates, and is a time that lessons emerge. We have to remember that we designed it before we were born, for a reason. That reason is the life lessons that come with the challenge.
2. Bad behavior. Soulmates are not always on their best behavior. As a matter of fact, it is usually quite opposite. For example, one or both soulmates could have an addiction to drugs, sex or alcohol. They could exhibit signs they only know how to be in dysfunctional relationships. There could also be self-destructive behavior or bad behavior stemming from unresolved past issues. In order for the relationship to grow and evolve, each of the soulmates will need to evolve and change.
3. Denial. When a connection between soulmates is too intense for one or both to handle, denial comes in handy. They can and will do everything they can to disprove the connection exists. When this occurs they can actually block all contact with their soulmate. In their minds it is somehow easier to deny the connection rather than accept and the soulmate relationship. This is a difficult issue to deal with because you will still very much feel that open soulmate connection. But the other soulmate does not mirror it back but tucks it away and refuses to acknowledge it.
4. Disappearing acts. Soulmates are very good at disappearing and can actually do so quite frequently. Soulmates can disappear, and reappear, many times during the length of a soulmate connection. The real key here is to understand why it is happening but also how you manage yourself during the disappearing acts. When a soulmate is missing in action for weeks or months at a time it can be quite frustrating. When it happens again and again, it can destroy the connection between soulmates once and for all.
5. Love triangles. Quite often soulmates have a problem with interference from another man or woman. It could be a previous relationship that has not fully resolved, or a new relationship that creates a diversion from dealing with a soulmate relationship. There are many scenarios involving soulmates and love triangles. Unfortunately the damage done to soulmate relationships through love triangles can be astronomical.
6. Moving too fast. Often soulmates feel they have known each other forever, and feel comfortable very quickly. The soul level recognition between you creates that comfort and familiarity. Additionally, the sparks are flying and you want to feel and experience the connection as much as possible. Because of this, it is quite easy for relationships to develop way too quickly and move too fast. What was speeding along at 90 miles an hour can slow to a screeching halt at any moment. It can be very difficult for the intense emotions and connection to match the logical amount of time the couple has been together. This adjustment can cause major issues. One of the soulmates will slow down the connection in order to focus on normal life stuff. The other feels this subtle shift in energy, and can often panic and feel the relationship is coming to an end.
7. The highest highs and the lowest lows. Soulmates seem to feel and experience everything to the extreme. The good times are fantastic and the bad times are bloody awful. When things are going great and the connection is flowing, you feel as if you are on top of the world. When things are not flowing well between soulmates, you can become depressed, despondent, lazy, irresponsible, indolent and even manic. It is very important you find another outlet when things are low between soulmates and maintain a level of accountability for your life.
8. Fear. Some people, mostly the guys out there, are terrified by the overwhelming emotion in a soulmate connection. Soulmates must face their fears, as part of their soulmate contract. But what exactly is there to fear from a soulmate connection? Some soulmates fear a loss of control, fear trusting someone with their heart, fear the responsibility of being in a relationship, fear being accountable their soulmate partner, etc. These may not be fears to you, but to them they are very real. When soulmates are unable to face those fears, they can either run or deny the soulmate connection.
9. Unrealistic expectations. Many soulmates believe a soulmate is here for the duration and that they will stay together regardless of how they behave. They may believe they can do anything, or say anything, without affecting their soulmate relationship. They may even think it gives them carte blanche for screwing up. Nothing could be further from the truth. Not all soulmates stay together, and if you keep testing your connection, your soulmate may walk away for good.
10. Accepting unacceptable behavior. Because of the strong emotional and often empathic connection, soulmates can lose any semblance of reason or logic. You may find yourself tolerating behavior from a soulmate that you would NEVER tolerate from any person on earth. These behaviors can include, cheating, drinking, drug abuse, gambling and physical or emotional abuse. If you don’t tolerate this behavior from anyone else, how could you tolerate it from your soulmate? What is the lesson here? This will make for a highly dysfunctional relationship and one you would be ultimately very miserable in.
Sarah and Sophia are able to understand the hidden complexities, issues and concerns affecting soulmate relationships. If you are experiencing issues with your soulmate, Sarah and Sophia can guide you on what needs to be addressed to give your soulmate relationship a better chance of working out long-term.