Does your soulmate play the victim all the time? We all have played the victim at one point or another, but does your soulmate have a victim mentality? Do you always have to apologize because you are blamed for everything? Are you tired of defending yourself because you can’t seem to do what’s right? If your soulmate is playing the victim too often, you may need to point it out to them. You may also need to change the way you react and respond when they go into victim mode.
For instance, your soulmate is continually making excuses for their poor choices or mistakes. People that play the victim do not like to accept personal responsibility for anything. It is always the fault of someone else, something else, or something beyond their control. They simply do not want to say “I screwed up”. When your soulmate does this, stop accepting their excuses.
Let’s say your soulmate is late for a date. If their excuse is that there was an accident on the freeway that caused them to be late, don’t just shrug it off. Instead, say “Well, we have all been caught in traffic sometimes.” You are at least letting them know this isn’t about THEM. Casually mention that the lesson learned here is to allow extra time in case of traffic next time. If they don’t like it, who cares. You are simply stating fact.
If your soulmate is constantly telling you about all the people who have done them wrong, don’t act overly sympathetic. Don’t feed into it. Why? Eventually you will join the ranks of one of those people. Keep in mind you are also missing the other half of the story. While there may be a slim chance that many people are mistreating them, more than likely they have played their part in all of it. Start turning the conversation to what they have learned from this experience. Point out that since this seems to happen so often they need to ensure it doesn’t keep happening. Ask them what they can do and what is in their power to take control of the situation. This at least brings the focus back towards them taking some responsibility, and you are not feeding their victim mentality.
If your soulmate keeps pointing out over and over all that you have done wrong (because they are holding grudges) try to put a stop to that too. Let them know that if you have forgiven them for their wrongs, it is time they let yours go to. If they don’t, they are holding your relationship back. Put the responsibility for that back on them. If you know you have done all you can to apologize, yet they won’t let it go, tell them they may need professional help if the relationship is to continue. Tell them at this point it is out of your control, you have done all you can, and although you wish you could help them, you can’t. They won’t like this at all. But it will be a huge step in teaching them that you are no longer going to be the bad guy all the time.
Remember, even soulmates can try to put the blame on you, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Don’t let them always play the victim at your expense.
When you are in a soulmate relationship you will mirror each other. Soulmates mirror one another to allow each individual to see their true selves. Only when soulmates see their true selves can they evolve to be a better version of who they truly are, becoming their truest and highest self. Soulmate mirroring forces you to take a long hard look at who you really are, warts and all.
Do you have any insecurities you have been trying to keep at bay? If so, you can expect your soulmate to bring them to the surface. This occurs so you can finally deal with them and get rid of them once and for all. Actually if you have any unresolved issues, especially when it comes to relationships, your soulmate will encourage you to renounce them and evolve to a better person of yourself.
There are other forms of the soulmate mirror in that we often find in a soulmate someone who shares the same tastes in music, art, food choices and even lifestyle. Soulmates often discover their life paths have been a similar journey, sharing many synchronicities although they were living separate lives. For example, your grandmothers may have both been born in the same little town in a foreign country. Such striking parallels are validation from the Universe of the soulmate connection. It is truly a joyous feeling to be with someone who has great compatibility with you on so many deep levels. You both feel you have finally met your match, the other half of yourselves and may at time feel you share a brain. Up to this point, everything seems to be moving along perfectly and believe this relationship is meant to be.
Very often the mirror can have a ‘darker side’ when we must consider issues within our psyches that need to be addressed, especially if we are don’t want to work on them. This is actually the point where all hell can break lose, and very often does. This is where many problems develop within the relationship especially when one of the soulmates does not want to evolve, even though this is why the Universe brought you together: to work on yourselves to become better versions of you.
For example, let’s say Tom and Miranda are soulmates. Tom starts sabotaging the relationship because of his insecurities that developed from prior relationship experiences. He test Miranda to see if she will leave him, because he is afraid she will. So he breaks dates, acts weird and aloof some times, won’t talk about his feelings, or tries to deny them. Now what Miranda should see in the mirror is Tom’s insecurity and the need for him to fix it. Instead, Miranda gets insecure and becomes afraid Tom will end the relationship. She should see she needs to deal with his insecurity instead of creating her own. By getting insecure herself she is bringing even more insecurity into the relationship!
If Miranda wants Tom to be strong, shouldn’t she be strong herself? If Miranda wants Tom to believe in their soulmate connection, shouldn’t she? Miranda should be leading by example, as in an example of strength. By showing Tom weakness, she is feeding his insecurity as well as hers.
Because soulmates often mirror one another it is easy to get caught up in what they are reflecting. What needs to be done at times like this is to see what they are projecting, then go inward. What has their negative projection brought to your surface? That is what you must deal with. Don’t mirror their negativity back to them, it will only grow, and how can that help? Mirroring, even the negative side of it, can be a great thing for soulmates if they only learn the lessons brought to them and make the changes necessary to make themselves better people.
Soulmate connections come with strong emotions and if not dealt with properly, tons of drama. Soulmate relationships are not like romance novels and fairy tales for most soulmate couples. Many times soulmates expect smooth sailing relationships where everything clicks and they get along perfectly, but it seldom it happens this way. Instead, they get something that resembles a nightmare. They did not expect the acting out, the fighting, the denial or the obstacles and challenges. They believe if this was part of the universe’s great plan for their lives, the plan would have been a lot more positive a guaranteed happy ending. Many people who are experiencing soulmate drama believe the universe is actually punishing them. Many people have asked us what could they have possibly done that was so bad that the universe brought this heartache into their lives.
Why does the universe bring soulmates that come with so much drama? Why does something that could make us so happy, instead bring us so much misery? Why would the universe’s plan turn out so badly? Couldn’t they have picked a soulmate who didn’t come with tons of drama? The universe did select and choose a soul mate for you, and you for them. The universe was in control of that choice and making sure you crossed paths to establish your connection. And then the universe backed off. It is up to each of the individual soulmates to create the soulmate relationship. Sadly, many, if not most, create one with drama.
So why are soulmate relationships often filled with drama? The intense emotions and longing that come with soulmate relationships support the creation of soulmate drama. The emotion of love is not the cause of drama in soulmate relationships, but fear. Why would a couple experiencing such a connection be filled with fear instead of faith? Soulmate relationships are filled with triggers that set off deep-rooted insecurities and issues we have buried or chosen to ignore. If we don’t face what we need to change we open the door to negativity and drama.
For instance, let’s say your soulmate has trust issues. Upon meeting they feel the instant connection and are aware there is something special between you. They may even acknowledge you are soulmates. You might think that should help them overcome their trust issues, right? Yes and no. If they have faith in the connection, they trust the connection and it is easier for them to trust you. This may be one of the lessons the universe wants them to learn and what needs to be addressed and dealt with within for their personal growth. If on the other hand they do not have faith in the connection, they won’t trust the connection, they will fear it. As that fear grows, their ability to trust you grows, and the drama grows.
With all soulmate relationships a certain amount of drama can be expected and no cause for alarm. If a soulmate relationship has more drama than a reality show, it is time to do some damage control. The less drama in your soulmate relationship, the happier you both will be. Because you are caught up in the drama, you may not be able to see your way out of it. We can help you steer clear of drama and get your relationship on the right track.
For part two of our article about your soulmate and his ex, we are going to focus on the on/off relationships that seem to plague many soulmate couples.
Quite frequently, the ex does not want to let go of your soulmate and the happiness the two of you share. No matter how long they have been broken up, the ex will still jump at the chance to take your soulmate back. Sometimes an ex may believe your soulmate is actually their soul mate. Sometimes they just don’t want you to have them, because they don’t want them to find a greater happiness with you than what they had. Very often they just want to ruin your chance to find happiness with their ex. Since they are not happy, they don’t want you and their ex to be happy either. So, the ex leaves an open door for your soulmate to return. This can cause a major problem and create all kinds of difficulties.
You may worry your soulmate could go back to their ex, and because of that worry you let things slide. Actually, you let too many things slide. The fear of your soulmate going back to his ex will create a dynamic in your relationship that will be very difficult to change down the road. When a couple gets together, they create their roles and rules in the relationship. If your fear of your soulmate going back to their ex keeps you from creating and enforcing healthy boundaries, you will wind up in a dysfunctional soulmate relationship. The strength of love propels a relationship forward, the weakness of fear destroys the ability to create a solid foundation for a relationship. If you are coming from a place of fear, what you fear most (which is the end of the relationship) will most likely come to pass. If you have faith in the relationship, and in yourself and the connection you have, you will have the strength to do what needs to be done to preserve that relationship.
Sometimes the fear of your soulmate returning to their ex becomes a reality. You soulmate may not be ready to embrace the connection you share and learn their lessons. They may develop an on/off relationship with both you and their ex. Things seems to be going great between the two of you and then all of a sudden your soulmate starts acting weird. You feel a strange distance developing between the two of you. You have this nagging feeling they may be in communication with their ex. You ask your soul mate what is wrong and they tell you everything is fine. But you know better.
Then, *poof*, your soulmate is out of your life and back with his ex. You are devastated. You worry he will never come back. You wonder what kind of power she has over him that makes it impossible to let go of her. Believe me, she has zero power. You don’t either. HE has all the power and is using it against the both of you. He wants his soulmate in his life, but isn’t willing to step up to the plate. The ex keeps your focus them, and not him or your soulmate connection. You may blame the ex. Don’t. He is to blame. He is not their victim. You are his victim. Both you and the ex want him exclusively. Both you and his ex want the on/off relationship stuff to stop. Neither of you is getting want they want. Only he is. Again, blame him.
This cycle of insanity has to come to a close. The ex needs to stay in the past, and he needs to move forward with you into the future. The only way it will change is when someone finally puts their foot down, and unfortunately that person may need to be you. This is where you need to enforce boundaries within your relationship and make them realize you will no longer be the victim in this on / off relationship game.
Soulmate relationships can be dysfunctional relationships. Soulmates are often portrayed as meeting, falling instantly in love, and living happily ever after. In reality, soulmate relationships can often become dysfunctional relationships. Primarily, due to the intensity of emotions, chemistry and the soulmate connection, logic and fair play can fly out the window. When emotions run high, they can often spiral out of control, this is when dysfunctional behaviors and patterns emerge. So how can you keep your soul mate relationship from becoming dysfunctional?
First and foremost you must try to keep your emotions regarding your soul mate in check. These emotions will be intensely positive when things are going well, but can easily turn intensely negative when things turn bad between the two of you. For example, after meeting your soulmate and being blissfully happy for several months, your soulmate pulls a disappearing act and totally retreats away from the relationship and from you. They won’t return phone calls, emails, texts or social media pings. They go completely silent. It is understandable that you will be anxious and upset, but this is dysfunctional soulmate behavior. When a soulmate withdraws, the other soulmate has to prevent themselves from going nuts. When the soul mate returns is the crucial point. If you forgive your soulmate and allow them back into your life too easily, because you fear losing them again, you are actually creating a dysfunctional pattern. This can lead to your soulmate randomly disappearing over and over again. Because you allowed their dysfunctional behavior without real consequences, they will do it over and over again.
By doing that, your fears regarding your soulmate will grow exponentially. Your fear of losing them permanently makes you more lenient and you can expect more dysfunctional behavior from your soulmate. You soulmate, on the other hand, has ZERO fear of losing you. You have shown them they can get away with their dysfunctional behavior and that you are willing to take them back every time. Now your soulmate relationship is a dysfunctional mess. If you have found yourself in a dysfunctional soulmate relationship, look back at the bad behaviors of your soulmate. Now look at how you handled them. The time has come to change the way you handle your soulmate or your dysfunctional relationship will only continue to get worse.
Soulmate relationships are supposed to teach lessons. If you are not willing to assist your soul mate in learning those lessons, the relationship may be doomed. Not all soulmate relationships stand the test of time. Why? Because the bond that is supposed to bring out the best in them often brings out the worst in them. It is because of this that a dysfunctional soulmate relationship reaches the end of the line. When both parties embrace and accept the gifts that their soulmate brings, instead of abusing, taking advantage of it or taking it for granted, all is well. If they do not, chaos erupts. The universe brings soulmates together, but they leave it up to the two of you to make it work. When you see dysfunctional behavior begin to grow in your soulmate relationship, nip it in the bud before it ruins this special soulmate connection.