Fantasy vs. Reality
Comparing soulmate relationships can be a big mistake. If you compare your soulmate relationship those in movies, television shows, or romance novels you are setting yourself up for a very frustrating experience. In the movies, television, and romance novels, soulmate relationships are often taken over the top and almost always have happy endings. Comparing the soulmate relationships you see everywhere else to your own soulmate experience can make you question the validity of your soulmate connection. Comparing your soul mate relationship to those of friends or family is a bad idea. Why?
Because just like snowflakes, each soulmate relationship is different. Additionally, timing is different in all soulmate relationships. Some soulmates meet early in life, some later in life. Some soulmates meet while they are both single, and some can meet while one or both are with different partners. Some soulmates meet and get involved in a relationship right away while some may not start their relationship for years. There are lessons to learn in every soulmate relationship. The changes and evolution of each soulmate relationship is different as well. To compare each journey and path of soulmates is a waste of time.
Comparing soulmate relationships can also cause undue stress and confusion. What methods may have worked to get one soulmate relationship on track may not work other soulmate relationships. Some soulmate relationships do not work out in the end, and some do. It is up to each individual in the couple to determine the success of their soulmate union. This can’t be defined by comparing yourselves to another pair of soulmates, or every soulmate, just the two in the relationship.
Some people will have more than one soulmate relationship in their lifetime, while others do not. If your first encounter with a soulmate did not work out, you may have the chance for another one. If you do have two, or more, soulmate relationships, comparing them is probably not a good idea either. The problems, issues, lessons, and path of each connection will be different. It is best to keep the experiences separate as well. There may be lessons you have learned from a previous soulmate relationship that of course you will not have to learn in the present one. But always remember, there are lessons to be learned and needed growth for each and every one.
When you are in the throes of soulmate drama, comparing your soulmate relationship to one that has weathered the storm will only make you feel worse. It could give you hope for the potential of your own soulmate relationship, if you allow it. But if comparing your soulmate relationship that is in tatters to one that is in bliss and harmony to make you miserable, it is best to refrain from comparison.
You may have lost your patience at this point because you have not yet met your soulmate. When you compare your lack of a soulmate to those who have one, you can become bitter and angry. A sense of self entitlement is not going to attract your soulmate to you. It may attract dysfunctional relationships to you, or none at all. Bitterness, anger, impatience, and entitlement is not the vibration you want to be giving off. Remember, not all of us will get a soulmate in this lifetime. To think you are entitled to one, rather than being gifted one, could be a major mistake on your part. The universe does not owe you a soulmate. Humble yourself and you may just get one.
There is a big difference in fantasy vs reality. Every little girl knows the stories of Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, who each lived happily ever after with a handsome prince. For some of us, these stories have carried over into our adult lives and hope for our relationships. We read romance novels and watch romantic comedies where the handsome hunk overcomes the maiden and conquers her and they too seem to live happily ever after. We long for and yearn for that same type of relationship, where the guy comes in and sweeps us off our feet and floats with us thru the Tunnel of Love to our own romantic bliss. We see romance bloom in a matter of weeks, see women swoon as their true love rushes to the airport to stop them from boarding a plane that will carry them off to another country, and quite often expect the same for our lives. These entertainments fill our lives with unrealistic expectations when it comes to our own relationships. So many people are looking for the fantasy guy to charge in a white horse and rescue them from <<insert drama here>>. But putting that kind of expectation on another human being is not realistic. For some of us, separating fantasy vs reality in our own lives can become a difficult task.
Romance has it’s ups and downs. It is the downs where you really learn about a person. Everyone can be on their best behavior when times are good. But when things are rough you learn if you can really count on someone. You can share good times with almost anyone, but to find someone supportive through the rough times is rare. When the man or woman you had such fun with turns into a major disappointment because of how they handled the rough patch, you should not focus on how wonderful they were in the beginning, or when times were good. This is where the fantasy vs reality kicks in. The rough times will always be there, and you need to know if you can depend on this person. It is great they are willing to go through good times with you, but if they wont stick with you during the bad times and challenging situations, they are not who you thought or fantasized that they were.
When you believe your relationship will always be like it was ‘in the beginning’ you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. This is another example of fantasy vs reality, because you may very well be living in fantasy land. In the beginning of a relationship, both parties are on their best behavior because you are trying ‘win’ someone over. It makes sense that both parties put their best foot forward. In the beginning of a relationship you are getting to know each other and that requires communication. You may communicate daily for weeks on end, even months, as you talk and text until the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, this may cause you to believe that this level of communication will continue indefinitely, but as your fantasy vs reality sets in and communication becomes more infrequent you may feel threatened, ignored or abandoned. You have just arrived at the more realistic stage of the relationship, where communication becomes more normal. This does not mean the relationship is falling apart, or that the he is withdrawing from you. It simply means that your relationship has hit the stage that is more realistic. The guy you have now, is the real guy. What you have now is the person you will be dating or having the relationship with, not the fantasy of who he was in the beginning.
In move as well as many books, the bad boys wind up having a heart of gold they have kept hidden, until they meet the right chick. That may be true in fantasy-land, but here, on earth, the reality of the situation is that bad boys are usually more trouble than they are worth. Bad boys very seldom grow up to be good men. In fantasy vs reality, all they need is one good woman, the right woman, to set them straight. Before you begin to fantasize that that woman is you, be aware the reality may be you are just his next victim. You may feel that you have enough love to turn him around, making him the loving attentive partner you desire him to be. Bad boys do have a certain attractiveness but why? If we are dealing with reality, shouldn’t we run from men like this, instead of fantasizing we are the one who causes him to change his way? Unfortunately, this is what makes us drawn to them. If your bad boy is into drugs or alcohol, you will probably not be able to turn him from that. They are attached to the addiction and that will have a larger role in the relationship than you do. Save that for a professional. Trying to turn a bad boy around will only create frustration and disappointment in your life.
There may be someone you like or are attracted to at work, the gym, the pizza place. He may seem like a nice person, and someone you are interested in dating. There is nothing wrong with that, unless you allow yourself to get carried away with your fantasy vs reality. You don’t really know this guy, you don’t know what it is like to date him, be his girlfriend, or what he acts like outside of the venue you know him from. Don’t build up who you think he may be, or what he is like in your head. Don’t fall for the fantasy of who you think he may be, or what he may be like, or the future you may have with him. Wait and find out. You should not get too emotionally invested before something even starts. Don’t allow your fantasies to create feelings or expectations before this romance even starts, because it may never start, or may be a huge disappointment. Let’s say he finally asked you out on a date and several dates after that. You are thrilled that your fantasies are finally becoming a reality. In your head you plan out what your future married life with this guy could possibly be like. But as you start to spend more time with him you begin to realize he is not the guy you thought he was. In reality, he lives in his mother’s basement and spends a lot of time online playing video games. You realize he has no ambition or desire to make himself a better person. Your fantasy relationship has now fallen flat and you are once again wondering why you are still single.
Real life should not necessarily imitate art and quite often, doesn’t. There is nothing wrong with using your imagination to conjure up what your perfect guy would be like, and what a perfect romance would be like. Problems begin to occur when no man could possibly live up to the perfect man who exists in your mind. Creating and focusing on fantasy vs reality of any situation especially romantic ones, can get you into the wrong relationship, or keep you in the wrong relationship.