Soulmate sabotage happens all the time, for various reasons. Depending on the couple, one or both soulmates may sabotage their future relationship. Why, you may ask, would a soulmate commit soulmate sabotage? Many people are waiting patiently, and impatiently, for their soulmate. So why on earth, when they finally appear, would they sabotage this relationship and risk their future together?
There are so many reasons why soulmate sabotage occurs. The foundation of a soulmate relationship is supposed to faith, not fear. When fear, in all its ugly glory takes over, many soulmates will sabotage the relationship on purpose, in order to run away from it. Wether it is breaking up with a soulmate or being so destructive that their soulmate breaks up with them, the intention was clearly there. They want the relationship to end for whatever fear-based reason.
There are also many other soulmate couples who are behaving in ways that will ruin their relationship but engaging in soulmate sabotage. The difference is, these people don’t want the relationship damaged or destroyed. However, they fail to realize their behaviors are sabotaging the relationship. For those, we have written 10 examples of soulmate sabotage in an effort to bring awareness before things get too bad.
Top 10 Signs of Soulmate Sabotage
1) Having unrealistic expectations. So many people think soulmates are like couples in fairy tales. They meet, and then live happily ever after. Nothing could be further from the truth. Soulmates have important lessons to learn and hurdles to get over. However, sometimes a soulmate will have such high expectations that it is actually a form of sabotage. They expect their soulmate to be perfect. They expect they will never argue with their soulmate. They expect their soulmate to agree with them on everything. This is not reality, it is fantasy. Be realistic about your soulmate, otherwise you could be unknowingly sabotaging your relationship.
2) Being too passive, or always the peacemaker, is another way a soulmate can sabotage the relationship. You may think you are doing it for the benefit of the relationship, but in truth, you are not. We are all capable of saying I’m sorry, and we are all in the wrong sometimes, and need to accept that. It is not your job to keep your soulmate from growing and becoming a better person. That is more damaging than you think. You should have enough faith in your soulmate connection and your soulmate than you do.
3) Another form of soulmate sabotage is when you do not address problems, and fix them, before taking your relationship to another level. What was a problem while you were dating, will more than likely be a problem when you live together. That problem, if not corrected, will still be there if you get married or start a family. Don’t move forward with these problems. Deal with them and then move forward.
4) Focusing too much on chemistry and attraction, and not real compatibility, is another example of soulmate sabotage. Sure, the sex may be great and the chemistry intense, but that is not enough to keep you together forever. It is also not a way to fix your problems.
5) Being too melodramatic or a drama queen (or drama king) is an all too common characteristic of soulmate sabotage. Constant drama only causes long-term damage. It doesn’t make for long-term bliss. Get rid of the drama and don’t tolerate it. It has no place in a happy soulmate relationship, only a dysfunctional one.
6) Another example of soulmate sabotage is when you constantly break up over stupid, inconsequential things. That is totally disrespectful to your soulmate and the relationship itself. Your connection was a gift from the universe. If you bought someone a gift and they disrespected it, how happy would YOU be? Would you ever give them a gift again? Don’t be ungrateful for the gift you have it given, as that gift can be taken away from you.
7) Constantly keeping score is another great way to sabotage your soulmate relationship. How does feeling the need to constantly “one up” your soulmate create harmony? It doesn’t, so knock it off.
8) Always needing to be right is another top form of soulmate sabotage. You don’t need to always be right. You don’t always need to go out of your way to prove you are right. That is one of your soulmate lessons obviously. Take your ego down a notch before it’s too late.
9) Being too comfortable with your soulmate can sabotage your relationship. You may think you can do or say anything you want and get away with it because of your connection. Not so. Don’t give your soulmate the worst of who you are. They deserve the best, not the worst. Why would you treat anyone else better than you do your soulmate? How could you not think that isn’t a form of sabotage?
10) Being too needy, clingy, or not giving personal space or privacy is detrimental to your soulmate relationship. Being too needy or clingy makes a person feel smothered after a while. People that feel smothered feel the urge to break free. You should also trust them enough to have a respectful level of privacy. If you don’t, the reason for that distrust needs to be addressed.
Hopefully this will be a wake up call to some soulmates who are sabotaging their relationships without even knowing it and start using corrective action to bring harmony back to their relationships.
When is it time to give your soulmate a time-out? Is there ever a good reason to give your soulmate relationship a time-out? Since soulmates are supposed have a connection, how can a time-out be the right thing for them? How could a time-out help a soulmate relationship? Soulmates can benefit from time-outs as it can actually reinforce their connection.
Because of their deep connection, a time-out can be just what they need. Emotions run so very high in soulmate relationships. The love to the extreme and they can battle to the extreme. Everything is extreme when it comes to soulmates. The love and affection are on a higher level, and the fighting is just as intense. So when soulmates are at odds, it could be a very good idea to go to separate corners for a while.
Soulmates may need a time-out to shift gears from wanting to hurt one another to missing one another terribly. They need those feelings of anger or hurt to die down, and love to surge again. When soulmates fight they can act like bitter enemies where you would almost think they hate one another. Often if you give them a few days apart, they are bawling like babies because they miss each other so much. They often then could care less about or don’t even remember what they were fighting about.
So yes, there is a good time to give your soul mate a time-out. If your soul mate is acting out or acting the fool is may be the perfect time to give them a time-out. If you can’t reason with them, or they are looking to fight then let them alone. Let them know you are not going to be around them when they are acting like this. Instead of letting them wind you up over something stupid or irrational, give them a time-out.
They are obviously looking for you to sink to their level, and nothing good will come from that. Don’t go there. Do something constructive instead of destructive. Of course many soulmates are terrified that a time-out will lead to a break up. This is just silly. Do you think a time-out will do more damage than is being currently done? Do you really think they will stop loving you? Love doesn’t work that way. Do you really think they will get over you and find someone else? In a few days? Again, that is just silly and melodramatic. No one falls out of love and in love with someone else in a matter of days. Put your fears aside and do the right thing. When it is time to give your soulmate a time-out, then do so.
Don’t confuse time-outs with on/off relationships. If you are giving your soulmate time-outs constantly then there is clearly a bigger problem that must be addressed. Some people do use time-outs as power plays and to create an on/off situation. That is relationship dysfunction 101 and not a good idea at all. Check out our article about on/off soulmate relationships here.
When giving a time-out, do so in a calm manner, or as calm as possible. Let them know how long you will be gone, or how long you want them to leave. Let them know this is not the end of your relationship, but an effort to make things better. Let them know you will be think a lot about things, and that you both need time to get your heads together and your hearts in alignment. Tell them you are doing things for the good of the relationship, not to hurt it. Agree to not have any communication until the date you agree on. Make a plan to meet for lunch or dinner on that date. A time-out may be just the thing to give your soulmate relationship a much needed reboot.
Does your soulmate play the victim all the time? We all have played the victim at one point or another, but does your soulmate have a victim mentality? Do you always have to apologize because you are blamed for everything? Are you tired of defending yourself because you can’t seem to do what’s right? If your soulmate is playing the victim too often, you may need to point it out to them. You may also need to change the way you react and respond when they go into victim mode.
For instance, your soulmate is continually making excuses for their poor choices or mistakes. People that play the victim do not like to accept personal responsibility for anything. It is always the fault of someone else, something else, or something beyond their control. They simply do not want to say “I screwed up”. When your soulmate does this, stop accepting their excuses.
Let’s say your soulmate is late for a date. If their excuse is that there was an accident on the freeway that caused them to be late, don’t just shrug it off. Instead, say “Well, we have all been caught in traffic sometimes.” You are at least letting them know this isn’t about THEM. Casually mention that the lesson learned here is to allow extra time in case of traffic next time. If they don’t like it, who cares. You are simply stating fact.
If your soulmate is constantly telling you about all the people who have done them wrong, don’t act overly sympathetic. Don’t feed into it. Why? Eventually you will join the ranks of one of those people. Keep in mind you are also missing the other half of the story. While there may be a slim chance that many people are mistreating them, more than likely they have played their part in all of it. Start turning the conversation to what they have learned from this experience. Point out that since this seems to happen so often they need to ensure it doesn’t keep happening. Ask them what they can do and what is in their power to take control of the situation. This at least brings the focus back towards them taking some responsibility, and you are not feeding their victim mentality.
If your soulmate keeps pointing out over and over all that you have done wrong (because they are holding grudges) try to put a stop to that too. Let them know that if you have forgiven them for their wrongs, it is time they let yours go to. If they don’t, they are holding your relationship back. Put the responsibility for that back on them. If you know you have done all you can to apologize, yet they won’t let it go, tell them they may need professional help if the relationship is to continue. Tell them at this point it is out of your control, you have done all you can, and although you wish you could help them, you can’t. They won’t like this at all. But it will be a huge step in teaching them that you are no longer going to be the bad guy all the time.
Remember, even soulmates can try to put the blame on you, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Don’t let them always play the victim at your expense.
Stalking your soulmate though social media is becoming quite common. People stalk every photo, every like, comment and interaction. Many people set up fake accounts to stalk a soulmate online because they want to do it without anyone knowing what they are up to. They believe they will find valuable, pertinent information on their soulmate social media accounts. Many also believe they can discover what their soulmate is trying to hide on social media profiles.
In some cases, checking your soulmate’s social media accounts is not a bad idea if done periodically. In many other cases, stalking your soulmate through social media is an epic waste of time. It can actually do more harm than good, because so much posted on social media is simply not reality or the whole story. In many cases it can be complete lies. So are you really gaining anything by stalking your soulmate though social media? In most cases, you are not.
In most cases you are being both self-destructive and destructive to your soul mate relationship. If your soulmate left you for whatever reason, stalking them through social media is a waste of time. You may want to know what they are up to, but you don’t need to. The reason they ended your relationship won’t be found on social media, and it won’t be fixed by what you find on social media. They won’t alert their social media accounts that they are coming back to you before they let you know. The only thing you will discover on their social media accounts are the stupid things they are doing, posting and liking. You don’t need that information. You may want that information, but you don’t need it.
Do you really need to see the latest pictures of their family, friends, or dinner? No. But you want to, don’t you? Well, you need to stop. This is not what you should be doing during your time apart. During a soulmate separation you are supposed to work on your issues and address them, not live your life by watching theirs. It is counter productive and will get you nowhere. It’s also and epic waste of your time.
If they are not coming back, stalking your soulmate though social media keeps you from moving on. If they are, you have not done the work you need to do to make the relationship better. You have not evolved to a better version of yourself. All you are doing by stalking their social media is keeping yourself weak, over-emotional, and depressed. What your soulmate is doing with out you doesn’t matter. It only matters when they come back. If they aren’t in your life, don’t make your life revolve around them. Make it revolve around YOU.
If your soulmate is presently in your life, it is not a bad idea to randomly check their social media accounts. People like to stir up trouble, and someone may be out to get in the way of your soulmate relationship. So a periodic check here and there is no big deal. But if you are stalking their social media accounts getting pissed off every time their ex, or some other member of the opposite sex, has any interaction with them you need to stop. If they give you so much reason to be that suspicious or insecure you need to deal with those reasons, instead of spending so much time on their social media accounts. You will never solve the problem that way.
Social media often causes more harm than good in peoples lives. People tend to over analyze everything they see, and also believe it is somehow real. I cannot tell you how many times clients have told us they saw a picture of their soulmate smiling in a picture so they must be happy. Are you serious? Name one person you know that does not smile when their picture is being taken. Other than mug shots, everyone smiles when their picture is being taken, or attempts to look happy. So where does a smile in a picture mean squat? Apparently to those stalking their soulmate on social media is means TONS. Well, in reality it doesn’t mean a thing. So don’t believe everything you see on social media. Believe more in the words and actions of your soulmate. It all starts there. That is where your focus should lie. Stay away from the social media, and pay closer attention to the reality of your relationship.
Soulmate relationships, like all relationships, can be manipulated with guilt trips. It is one thing to feel guilty for doing something wrong to your soulmate. It makes sense to feel remorse and guilt if you have hurt your soulmate and feel terrible about it. Guilt trips are another matter all together. Soulmates can use guilt trips in order to get what they want. They may want you to feel overly guilty for little things they can use against you. When a soulmate uses guilt trips to get their way, or to get attention, rarely will they stop on their own. Once you have shown them guilt trips work in their favor, they will use them against you as often as they like.
We all have the desire to express our feelings of hurt when a soulmate makes us feel bad. We communicate with one another to hopefully resolve the issues and move forward. That is not the intention of a soulmate guilt trip. They pretend to be more hurt than they are and want you to feel worse than you should. In doing so, they can get the attention they seek and the reward they want. What most people do not realize is that if a person has been taken on one guilt trip too many, resentment starts to build. They have begun to recognize the guilt trips and the manipulation. They are tired of being forced to feel guilty for every little thing and begin to emotionally distance themselves. This can cause the deterioration of a soulmate relationship. We all know right from wrong and we all screw up. It is the constant badgering that one soulmate does to the other that pushes the relationship over the edge. No one likes the feeling of being manipulated, and no one likes the manipulator after a while either.
Countless times we have seen examples of guilt trips being uses to control or manipulate soulmates. One common way soulmates use guilt trips is by using the connection itself. For example: Soulmate “A” screws up royally. They were supposed to go to a party with soulmate “B” but they were a no-show. Then they were silent for a week, never calling, texting or emailing to explain why they failed to show up. By the second week, soulmate “B” is really pissed off. Their calls have not been returned, and soulmate “A” has dropped off the face of the earth. So they make one last call leaving a message saying they will not tolerate this behavior, and that the relationship is over. Soulmate “A” uses a guilt trip by texting back “But you are the one that said we were soulmates, I guess you lied to me. If I was really your soulmate you wouldn’t be breaking up with me”. You would be shocked to learn how much this kind of guilt trip happens between soulmates. One uses the connection between them as a way to constantly avoid consequences. They also use it to keep the other soulmate from leaving them.
So how do you avoid being taken on a soulmate guilt trip? Well first of all, if you are the only one really feeling guilty all the time then chances are you are being taken on a guilt trip. You know right from wrong. And if it really was a minor mistake or misunderstanding, it should be easily resolved. Especially if your soulmate is the one that screws up time and again. You should never feel guilty for refusing to take anyone’s mistreatment of you. You should never feel guilty about expressing your pain or hurt, as long as it is done properly. But neither one of you has the right to beat it to death over and over and bring it up year after year after year. Guilt trips are like poison to soulmate relationships, and any relationship for that matter, so don’t fall for them and don’t use them with your soulmate.