Dealing with Exes
For part two of our article about your soulmate and his ex, we are going to focus on the on/off relationships that seem to plague many soulmate couples.
Quite frequently, the ex does not want to let go of your soulmate and the happiness the two of you share. No matter how long they have been broken up, the ex will still jump at the chance to take your soulmate back. Sometimes an ex may believe your soulmate is actually their soul mate. Sometimes they just don’t want you to have them, because they don’t want them to find a greater happiness with you than what they had. Very often they just want to ruin your chance to find happiness with their ex. Since they are not happy, they don’t want you and their ex to be happy either. So, the ex leaves an open door for your soulmate to return. This can cause a major problem and create all kinds of difficulties.
You may worry your soulmate could go back to their ex, and because of that worry you let things slide. Actually, you let too many things slide. The fear of your soulmate going back to his ex will create a dynamic in your relationship that will be very difficult to change down the road. When a couple gets together, they create their roles and rules in the relationship. If your fear of your soulmate going back to their ex keeps you from creating and enforcing healthy boundaries, you will wind up in a dysfunctional soulmate relationship. The strength of love propels a relationship forward, the weakness of fear destroys the ability to create a solid foundation for a relationship. If you are coming from a place of fear, what you fear most (which is the end of the relationship) will most likely come to pass. If you have faith in the relationship, and in yourself and the connection you have, you will have the strength to do what needs to be done to preserve that relationship.
Sometimes the fear of your soulmate returning to their ex becomes a reality. You soulmate may not be ready to embrace the connection you share and learn their lessons. They may develop an on/off relationship with both you and their ex. Things seems to be going great between the two of you and then all of a sudden your soulmate starts acting weird. You feel a strange distance developing between the two of you. You have this nagging feeling they may be in communication with their ex. You ask your soul mate what is wrong and they tell you everything is fine. But you know better.
Then, *poof*, your soulmate is out of your life and back with his ex. You are devastated. You worry he will never come back. You wonder what kind of power she has over him that makes it impossible to let go of her. Believe me, she has zero power. You don’t either. HE has all the power and is using it against the both of you. He wants his soulmate in his life, but isn’t willing to step up to the plate. The ex keeps your focus them, and not him or your soulmate connection. You may blame the ex. Don’t. He is to blame. He is not their victim. You are his victim. Both you and the ex want him exclusively. Both you and his ex want the on/off relationship stuff to stop. Neither of you is getting want they want. Only he is. Again, blame him.
This cycle of insanity has to come to a close. The ex needs to stay in the past, and he needs to move forward with you into the future. The only way it will change is when someone finally puts their foot down, and unfortunately that person may need to be you. This is where you need to enforce boundaries within your relationship and make them realize you will no longer be the victim in this on / off relationship game.
Soulmate connections often come with drama and obstacles, and quite often one of them may be his ex. Like many soulmates, you may have met when he was in a relationship with someone else. Soulmates often encounter one another when one, or both of them are currently in a relationship. The current relationship can be what keeps soul mates apart, and the stress and despair can be excruciating.
At this point the ex is not an ex. You pray for the day they will and their relationship, and you wait. And you wait. And you pray. And you cry. And you wait some more. You build up a hatred towards this person, the one he is involved with, because you feel they are holding your happiness in their hands. You hear how horrible they treat your soulmate. You think of how lucky they are to have your soulmate and how they don’t even appreciate it. You feel so bad for your soulmate that they are treated so badly in their current relationship. You hope they have the courage to leave the dead-end relationship is making them so miserable.
Then you start to get frustrated. Why are they remaining with this person that makes them so unhappy? They could be with you instead! What hold does this witch have over him that causes him to stay? You may even begin to feel as though you will never be together and that you will have to move on, giving up on this relationship completely.
Then, one day, that relationship is over. You are thrilled!! Finally, the day you have been waiting for! She has been given the boot and you have your chance at happiness. But now you must deal with an ex who could make the break-up or divorce very challenging and contentious. You must be careful not to let that stress affect your relationship with your soulmate.
The relationship with his ex, if toxic, can mean toxic relationship baggage will be coming into YOUR relationship. You may be so thrilled you finally have your soulmate that you don’t nip bad behaviors right away. You must use special care that the relationship with your soulmate does not become as dysfunctional as the one he had with his ex. His ex may also try to turn his children, friends or family against you. Be careful not to sink to their level, which will only make you look bad. It may take time for the ex to focus their energy elsewhere, but try to ride it out.
The ex may not want to see him happy, and may do everything and anything to cause friction between you. Your soulmate needs to understand that his ex is not his problem to deal with alone. If his ex is not bothering you in the slightest, let him handle it himself. But if his ex causes him to break dates with YOU or affect your life in any real way, you should be allowed some input. It may be HIS ex, but if she is YOUR problem too, you should be able to deal with it as a couple.
Since he couldn’t handle her when he was in a relationship with her, why would he think he can handle her now? He can’t. Work together as a team in dealing with her, otherwise you are both playing right into her hands. Every fight you have about his ex is a victory for her. Since she is in the past, she needs to stay in the past. His ex should have no control of your daily lives. You both need to let go of his ex. You need to drop your resentment and hatred (and so does he if he has any) towards his ex and live your lives. This person has wasted enough of your valuable time. Focus on the two of you, and things will turn out just fine.
There will be a follow on article to this post about how exes can affect soulmate relationships. Keep checking back.