Instability seems to be a common problem in soulmate relationships due to the challenging nature these relationships often bring into our lives. If you are in soulmate relationship, or have been in one in the past, we can pretty much guarantee there was instability at some point in your relationship.
One of the most common ways a soulmate relationship becomes unstable is when one or both partners are having issues with the connection. Many people find it weird and unsettling to be that bonded to another person in ways they have never experienced. The feelings and synchronicities are unexplainable, perhaps even foreign, because they are unlike anything felt before.
It is hard to deal with these feelings at levels never before experienced. It makes many question their own sanity. So it is easy to see why soulmates often resort to simply denying the connection exists. The instability will remain until that soulmate works through and accepts the connection and the foundation of the relationship suffers.
More often than not when a soulmate is in denial, they often become a runner. Everything can be going perfectly between the two of you but the soulmate will still be a runner. In some cases they will drop off the face of the earth, out of the blue, without even a warning or conversation. Communication ceases, they won’t see you and may even can block you from social media. So when the soulmate relationship should be building a strong foundation, the resisting of the bond creates instability, causing the relationship to go into soulmate limbo. Please check our other article, Soulmate Limbo Sucks, to gain some insight in how to deal with this issue.
Soulmates are often very fiery, and both their love and their arguments will be infused with passion. The levels of love and affection are often matched by the levels of acting out and fighting. Disagreeing on such levels also causes a lot of instability in the relationship. They can do things to each other that you would swear people who love each other could possibly do. On the flip side, they forgive each other for behaviors that others would seem unforgivable.
They may themselves be struggling with the intensity of the relationship so it’s very possible they understand what the other is going through. Since many do not want to lose their soulmate, they let them get away with anything and everything. They are afraid if they take a stand and insist they air out their differences in more healthy ways, their soulmate may leave. What they don’t seem to get, no matter how many times we explain it, is that if they allow bad behavior without consequences, it will be recurring, and become much worse.
This causes the relationship stagnate and this instability does a lot of damage. What they are trying to save they are actually causing to deteriorate. Their worst fear, losing their soulmate, is going to manifest because they won’t do the right thing for themselves and the relationship.
When a relationship is unhealthy it gets to a point where it is mostly negative and often ends. In every relationship the couple is supposed to set healthy boundaries and enforce them. If they do not, the relationship gets more and more dysfunctional and unstable. It has no choice but to eventually come crashing down around them. Drama, acting out, cheating, game playing, and staying in a previous relationship are all causes of soulmate instability. Those bad behaviors and actions need to be changed or the relationship will never be the harmonious one they both know it can be.
Soulmates don’t grow on trees. Of course most people would like to meet their soulmate, but many don’t understand soulmates are not exactly easy to find. First of all, they are not everywhere, you can’t just go pick one up at your local Walmart. Your soulmate is one grain of sand on a huge beach, so of course, if you decide to put your energy into finding yours, it could take a while.
The universe created a soulmate for you, and will, of course, create the time and place for you to get together and begin your journey. Finding a soulmate can become frustrating because many people expect the universe to create a soulmate for them, but they want to decide where, when and how they meet. It doesn’t work like that. It is not up to you, it is up to the universe.
Think about it, many people don’t believe in soulmates, so it stands to reason they are not looking for them. Does this mean they will never meet a soulmate? Of course not. They are going to meet a soulmate regardless of whether they want to or not. This is why so many people feel blind sided when they meet one.
They were not looking for them and they probably didn’t even believe soulmates could exist. Their soulmate often manifests in their lives at a very inconvenient time for them. Why? Because the universe has its reasons, and when they want soulmates to come together, they put them together. There is always a reason why soulmates meet when they do. It causes both soulmates to take a look at what is not working for them in their lives.
One, or both, of the soulmates could be in previous relationships that have run their course and must come to an end. It could be to take a different career path, or to focus more, or less, on their current job/career. Another reason is to break bad relationship habits, otherwise they will just wind up in one dysfunctional relationship after another.
Friends and family may have created a toxic environment and the soulmate enters to help them break these ties that are holding them back from happiness and their life purpose. So when a soulmate enters, something has to exit. These exits, whether they are people, or ways of thinking or behaving, bring tons of drama and resistance with them. In many cases, only a soulmate connection can give each individual the kick in the pants, or the inner strength, to create those changes that would otherwise go unchanged.
Soulmate connections are rare and you don’t have hundreds of them to choose from. Just because you have a strong pull towards someone does not mean they are your soulmate. That pull could just be a strong physical chemistry, which is often confused with a soulmate connection. Although soulmates have a strong physical chemistry, not all couples with a strong physical chemistry are your soulmate.
You may be strongly attracted to someone because something is missing in your life, and that part of you has remained dormant for a long time. When it awakens it can feel really powerful and shake your life up. Does that mean they are a soul mate? Not necessarily. It could just be a strong attraction you have to something that you lost, or never had. There can be many instances where you meet people you feel a strong attraction to, a crush on, love, infatuation, or have special feelings for. They won’t all be soulmates, and it is important you don’t put the soulmate label on the wrong person.
Check our other article: Stop Trying to Make the Wrong Person Your Soulmate
Soulmate relationships can often hit a dead-end, leaving the soulmates realizing their connection is going nowhere. There are many reasons this can happen. Without the change and personal growth a soulmate relationship brings, no forward momentum can be achieved. How can you tell if you are soulmates at a dead-end?
Reasons Soulmate Relationships Hit aDead-End
1. Soulmates will be at a dead-end when one or both soulmates are in denial. If either of you are too busy denying the connection exists, there is little room for growth and forward movement. It is hard, but you have to wait for your soulmate to accept the connection between the two of you. When denying a soulmates connection, the one in denial often resorts to horrible behavior. They may say and do terrible things in order to convince you, and themselves that it isn’t real. This can be a very tough period to go through.
2. When one or both soulmates are afraid to end their other relationship, the soulmate relationship is at a dead-end. There is nowhere to go when your soulmate is still tied to someone else. Waiting for a soulmate to have the strength, bravery or balls to end it is annoying at best. Sometimes, but not always, ultimatums, backed up by action, can give them the kick in the butt they need.
3. If your soulmate has a drug or alcohol dependency problem, your relationship will be at a dead-end. First the dependency issue must be addressed and dealt with before the relationship can move forward. It is not time to be an enabler.
4. If your soulmate constantly runs from you and your connection, this is a clear sign you have reached a dead-end. Your relationship is constantly ended before it can reach new levels. You wind up taking two steps forward and three steps back. You are not getting anywhere. Fix the on/off problem or you will stay like a hamster on a wheel getting nowhere fast.
5. Another sign that soulmates are at a dead-end is when one or both is resorting to soulmate sabotage. Constantly checking each others connection, pushing boundaries, and seeing how much you can get away with is a bad pattern. Someone committing soulmate sabotage should not be allowed to repeat this pattern, because it keeps you both stuck. They will never stop committing soulmate sabotage either. They are using the wrong methods to give them the security they seek.
6. The last sign that soulmates are at a dead-end is all about time. If your soulmate is always too busy to see you, talk to you, or text you (even thought texting will NEVER be enough to maintain a connection) your relationship is at a standstill. You both need to be present in the relationship for it to move forward. You also both need to be a higher priority in each others lives as well.
It is important you are able to see when a soulmate relationship is coming to a dead-end. There are things that can be done, approaches that can be taken to get your soulmate relationship back on course. Sarah and Sophia are here to help.
Soulmate relationships, like all relationships, can be manipulated with guilt trips. It is one thing to feel guilty for doing something wrong to your soulmate. It makes sense to feel remorse and guilt if you have hurt your soulmate and feel terrible about it. Guilt trips are another matter all together. Soulmates can use guilt trips in order to get what they want. They may want you to feel overly guilty for little things they can use against you. When a soulmate uses guilt trips to get their way, or to get attention, rarely will they stop on their own. Once you have shown them guilt trips work in their favor, they will use them against you as often as they like.
We all have the desire to express our feelings of hurt when a soulmate makes us feel bad. We communicate with one another to hopefully resolve the issues and move forward. That is not the intention of a soulmate guilt trip. They pretend to be more hurt than they are and want you to feel worse than you should. In doing so, they can get the attention they seek and the reward they want. What most people do not realize is that if a person has been taken on one guilt trip too many, resentment starts to build. They have begun to recognize the guilt trips and the manipulation. They are tired of being forced to feel guilty for every little thing and begin to emotionally distance themselves. This can cause the deterioration of a soulmate relationship. We all know right from wrong and we all screw up. It is the constant badgering that one soulmate does to the other that pushes the relationship over the edge. No one likes the feeling of being manipulated, and no one likes the manipulator after a while either.
Countless times we have seen examples of guilt trips being uses to control or manipulate soulmates. One common way soulmates use guilt trips is by using the connection itself. For example: Soulmate “A” screws up royally. They were supposed to go to a party with soulmate “B” but they were a no-show. Then they were silent for a week, never calling, texting or emailing to explain why they failed to show up. By the second week, soulmate “B” is really pissed off. Their calls have not been returned, and soulmate “A” has dropped off the face of the earth. So they make one last call leaving a message saying they will not tolerate this behavior, and that the relationship is over. Soulmate “A” uses a guilt trip by texting back “But you are the one that said we were soulmates, I guess you lied to me. If I was really your soulmate you wouldn’t be breaking up with me”. You would be shocked to learn how much this kind of guilt trip happens between soulmates. One uses the connection between them as a way to constantly avoid consequences. They also use it to keep the other soulmate from leaving them.
So how do you avoid being taken on a soulmate guilt trip? Well first of all, if you are the only one really feeling guilty all the time then chances are you are being taken on a guilt trip. You know right from wrong. And if it really was a minor mistake or misunderstanding, it should be easily resolved. Especially if your soulmate is the one that screws up time and again. You should never feel guilty for refusing to take anyone’s mistreatment of you. You should never feel guilty about expressing your pain or hurt, as long as it is done properly. But neither one of you has the right to beat it to death over and over and bring it up year after year after year. Guilt trips are like poison to soulmate relationships, and any relationship for that matter, so don’t fall for them and don’t use them with your soulmate.
Many people are shocked by the strong connection when they first encounter their soulmate. They are shocked by the emotions they feel for their soulmate because they have never experienced emotions like that before. They can even be shocked by the sexual experience they have with their soulmate. It doesn’t matter if they believed in soulmates beforehand. It doesn’t matter if they have been longing to meet their soulmate for years. You never know until you meet a soulmate what it really feels like. And for some, those thoughts and feelings are quite shocking. Many people react badly to soulmate shock, and the results of that shock can be devastating.
When soulmates first meet, the couple may react organically. They don’t think too much about what is happening, they go with the flow. Since the connection is there, the first stage can be straight out of a romance novel. Things are going great, they communicate beautifully and openly, and everyone is in a state of total bliss. They are shocked at how easy it is to talk to one another. They are shocked by how attracted they are to one another. They are shocked at how comfortable they feel around one another. They are shocked by how mind-blowing the sex is. They are shocked how similar they are. They are shocked by the way they feel about one another. Shocked in a good way.
But then the mind kicks in. Now they are shocked by the intense emotions. They shouldn’t feel this strongly so soon. They are shocked that they can’t stop thinking about their soulmate. Are they going insane? They never obsessed like this before, so why now? They are shocked that they opened up about their true feelings. Was that wise? Should they rein it in? They never spoke about their feeling like that before, it is as if they are becoming a different person. They feel they are losing control of themselves. They are shocked by how attracted they are to this person they just met. They wonder if it could all be just a physical thing, and not real. Should they see this person less, or stop seeing them all together? Now they are shocked in another way, in a bad way.
You would be surprised how often this happens. When the mind tries to make sense of emotions, or tries to control them, everything goes haywire. It cannot be explained with just logic. Feelings and logic are two different things all together. What you feel is not always logical. So when people try to make sense out of what they feel, they often find themselves even more confused. With that confusion often comes very bad decisions.
Most people feel as though they have gone a little crazy when they meet their soulmate. It’s easy to understand, especially if you have been through it yourself. We have been taught to control our emotions, actions, and our minds our whole lives. We are not allowed to let our emotions get out of control. So when soulmates meet and emotions spill over, some people feel the need to get a grip on them. You are supposed to welcome and enjoy the connection you have with your soulmate and all that comes with it. Once the shock wears off, you should feel blessed and thankful. Instead, many feel cursed, fearful and as if they have lost their minds.
Soulmate shock affects all people differently. You and your soulmate may have opposite ways of dealing with that shock. In time, you can get back on the same page, but in some cases, the shock never wears off.