If you find that your soulmate is emotionally unavailable, it will be very frustrating. Contrary to popular belief, just because someone is single does not mean they are emotionally available for a relationship. Just because someone is single does not mean they want to have a relationship, especially one that comes with the deep connection of soulmates. Not everyone will be searching for their soulmate or romantic partner at all during this lifetime. They may be in a different place than you in their evolution and only want a casual relationship. There are also people who have absolutely no intention of being monogamous, although they may say they are, who will never be emotionally available for you. There are many reasons why people will not be emotionally available for the type of relationship you are looking for.
It is not always easy to spot an emotionally unavailable man or woman. They may present themselves in such a way that you believe they are ready for love. Everything may even be progressing along nicely, you spend time together and he or she may really be pursuing you…and you like it. You have been hesitant with your feelings and keeping them in check, but they insist you are the one. They may even talk about your connection. When you finally give in, allowing yourself to open to the emotional bond that is forming, out of nowhere come the signals of the emotional midget. They withdraw, they pull back, they start to cancel dates or fail to respond to calls and messages. You are more confused than ever because they displayed the signs of being emotionally ready, but the instant you open up the walls go up and the lines of communication go down. When the possibility of a real relationship became a reality it was more than they could deal with on an emotional level. As long as it was an idea, it was ok, but the reality of it caused them to bolt.
Before you invest your heart in a relationship, you need to make sure you choose an emotionally available person. Here are some signs of someone who is emotionally unavailable so you can spot one quickly, before you are in too deep:
1. If they already have a significant other (husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend) they emotionally unavailable. If they are not divorced or broken up with their current romantic partner, they are emotionally unavailable to you. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If they are separated or broken-up with their significant other, but still live together for ANY REASON AT ALL, they are emotionally unavailable and off-limits to your heart. When you live with someone you cannot give someone else 100% of you, no matter how hard you try. You will never get all they have to give because they are not available enough to give it to you. Even though they say they do not love their other person. Even though they say they love you. Even though they say they are not having sex and sleep in separate bedrooms. Even though they insist you are their only sexual partner. As long as any fragment of that relationship is intact, either because they are living together or waiting for the legalities of a divorce to come through, they are not fully emotionally available to you.
2. If they are hard to reach and disappear for days, weeks or months, without warning (or explanation) they are emotionally unavailable. If they want to get closer to you, they would keep your communication steady and reliable. You would talk about deeper things than sex, the weather and your jobs. They would use that communication to learn more about you and give you the chance to learn more about them. If trying to get them to talk is like pulling teeth they are emotionally unavailable. If they are constantly unavailable when you call, text and email, the same rule applies. If the only way you communicate is through text, you both need to grow the hell up. If they don’t make communication with you a part of their life, they are unavailable to make YOU a real part of their life.
3. If your relationship has no labels, boundaries, or definitions, you are with someone emotionally unavailable. If you do not know if you are their girlfriend or boyfriend, or if they want a girlfriend or boyfriend, the one thing you should know is they are emotionally unavailable. If they refuse to talk about feelings, where you fit into their life, where this relationship is going, if you are even in a relationship, then you need to run as fast as you can from this emotional midget. If their words and actions do not support each other, then you are with an emotionally unavailable person who is sending you mixed signals and has an agenda.
4. When you are with a someone long enough, the relationship develops a pattern. You talk once/twice/three times a day, see each other every “X” amount of days, and know you will see and hear from them again. When you are with someone who is emotionally unavailable, at the end of each phone call, you have no idea when you will speak to each other again. After you part company, you wonder when and if you will see them again. This is not normal and is unacceptable. If you cannot begin to depend on them to call and make plans to see you, they are emotionally unavailable. If you cannot depend on them to answer the phone when you call with an emergency, they are not emotionally available to you.
5. Someone who is single, but has not dealt with issues of a past relationship should be emotionally off-limits to you. These folks could still secretly be in love with their ex, or they tell you all about it ~ ALL THE TIME ~ when you are out together. They have not resolved their feelings from their last relationship and could be using you as the rebound to help get over the ex or they could be treading water with you in the hopes the ex will return to their life at some future point. If they tell you they can’t open up to you because they are still resolving the issues of their last relationship and then proceeds to tell you (with tears in their eyes) the gory details that led to the relationship’s demise, they are still emotionally attached their ex and not available for you. You will not be able to rescue or save them from the horrible creature who did this since they are still emotionally attached to that past relationship.
So what do you do with an emotionally unavailable soulmate? How do you handle the relationship? Bottom line is they will not be there for you. You may believe if they heal from a past relationship you can sit tight and wait it out. Honestly, it is not in your best interest to do that WITH them. No amount of love you show or things you do will be able to crack the steel drum around their heart. You can not fix or heal them. It is not your responsibility anyway. You may want to be there so when he does heal his emotional issues you are the first one he turns to. Bottom line though is that if you made that great of an impression anyway, he would come to you when he is ready for love again.
Loving an emotionally unavailable soulmate is very draining because you are doing all the work. They are doing nothing. You are giving and not receiving anything. You can only do that for so long until all your reserves are gone. Sitting back and hoping for change is not going to fix this dysfunctional relationship. We all want to do the best we can to not be shocked, disappointed or hurt in our relationships. The best insurance we have to prevent that from happening is to choose wisely and an emotionally unavailable soulmate is not a wise choice.