Instability seems to be a common problem in soulmate relationships due to the challenging nature these relationships often bring into our lives. If you are in soulmate relationship, or have been in one in the past, we can pretty much guarantee there was instability at some point in your relationship.
One of the most common ways a soulmate relationship becomes unstable is when one or both partners are having issues with the connection. Many people find it weird and unsettling to be that bonded to another person in ways they have never experienced. The feelings and synchronicities are unexplainable, perhaps even foreign, because they are unlike anything felt before.
It is hard to deal with these feelings at levels never before experienced. It makes many question their own sanity. So it is easy to see why soulmates often resort to simply denying the connection exists. The instability will remain until that soulmate works through and accepts the connection and the foundation of the relationship suffers.
More often than not when a soulmate is in denial, they often become a runner. Everything can be going perfectly between the two of you but the soulmate will still be a runner. In some cases they will drop off the face of the earth, out of the blue, without even a warning or conversation. Communication ceases, they won’t see you and may even can block you from social media. So when the soulmate relationship should be building a strong foundation, the resisting of the bond creates instability, causing the relationship to go into soulmate limbo. Please check our other article, Soulmate Limbo Sucks, to gain some insight in how to deal with this issue.
Soulmates are often very fiery, and both their love and their arguments will be infused with passion. The levels of love and affection are often matched by the levels of acting out and fighting. Disagreeing on such levels also causes a lot of instability in the relationship. They can do things to each other that you would swear people who love each other could possibly do. On the flip side, they forgive each other for behaviors that others would seem unforgivable.
They may themselves be struggling with the intensity of the relationship so it’s very possible they understand what the other is going through. Since many do not want to lose their soulmate, they let them get away with anything and everything. They are afraid if they take a stand and insist they air out their differences in more healthy ways, their soulmate may leave. What they don’t seem to get, no matter how many times we explain it, is that if they allow bad behavior without consequences, it will be recurring, and become much worse.
This causes the relationship stagnate and this instability does a lot of damage. What they are trying to save they are actually causing to deteriorate. Their worst fear, losing their soulmate, is going to manifest because they won’t do the right thing for themselves and the relationship.
When a relationship is unhealthy it gets to a point where it is mostly negative and often ends. In every relationship the couple is supposed to set healthy boundaries and enforce them. If they do not, the relationship gets more and more dysfunctional and unstable. It has no choice but to eventually come crashing down around them. Drama, acting out, cheating, game playing, and staying in a previous relationship are all causes of soulmate instability. Those bad behaviors and actions need to be changed or the relationship will never be the harmonious one they both know it can be.
There are rules you can follow to have a positive soulmate experience. Growth is hard, and so are the challenges involved in a soulmate relationship. There are, of course, some rules you can adhere to help you have a more positive soulmate experience than a negative one.
The first rule for a positive soulmate experience is to have faith and trust in your connection to your soulmate. Instead of thinking you are insane, that the connection couldn’t possibly be real, you should understand that you are a rational person, and the reason you feel so connected to this person is because they are your soulmate. Don’t let the connection scare you. Sure, it makes you vulnerable but it should also give you more strength than you ever had before.
Even if your soulmate is going through denial, don’t follow along side them. Remain calm and steadfast, and have faith that they will gain acceptance of the bond between the two of you. If you have the faith to believe in soulmates, have the belief in them when you have found yours. There is a reason you came into one another’s lives, so have faith that the universe will reveal those reasons to you both.
The second rule for a positive soulmate experience is having the strength to know that if you are doing the right thing, the universe will reward you. You don’t have to suffer, you don’t have to give in, and you don’t have to do all the work. The universe doesn’t want you to do that.
Another rule for a positive soulmate relationship is to stop thinking that your soulmate doesn’t share your connection or feel it the way you do. Just because the two of you are reacting to it differently doesn’t mean the connection is only one-sided. Sitting around worrying that your soulmate doesn’t love you, will leave you forever, or has broken your connection for no good reason, is giving into fear. The connection between the two of you, and the fact that you feel it so strongly for this person should assure you that they are in the same boat as you. It goes both ways. We realize they may not be acting like they feel the same way that you do, but that is only acting. Don’t act out alongside them.
The next rule for a positive soulmate experience is to stop being so concerned with when your soulmate is going to learn their lessons and come around. It is better for you to focus on what negative things about yourself you are having to face right now and deal with them. You need to make changes. Don’t think that you don’t. Find out what they are and get to work. If your soulmate has created distance between the two of you, instead of worrying and wondering if they are learning anything, use the time productively to learn what you are supposed to. It is NEVER only one soulmate that is supposed to make changes and grow. It is always both.
Soulmate relationships often do have some negative and some positive experiences. If you focus on the positive, and behave in a positive way, you have a more positive soulmate experience.
Soulmates don’t grow on trees. Of course most people would like to meet their soulmate, but many don’t understand soulmates are not exactly easy to find. First of all, they are not everywhere, you can’t just go pick one up at your local Walmart. Your soulmate is one grain of sand on a huge beach, so of course, if you decide to put your energy into finding yours, it could take a while.
The universe created a soulmate for you, and will, of course, create the time and place for you to get together and begin your journey. Finding a soulmate can become frustrating because many people expect the universe to create a soulmate for them, but they want to decide where, when and how they meet. It doesn’t work like that. It is not up to you, it is up to the universe.
Think about it, many people don’t believe in soulmates, so it stands to reason they are not looking for them. Does this mean they will never meet a soulmate? Of course not. They are going to meet a soulmate regardless of whether they want to or not. This is why so many people feel blind sided when they meet one.
They were not looking for them and they probably didn’t even believe soulmates could exist. Their soulmate often manifests in their lives at a very inconvenient time for them. Why? Because the universe has its reasons, and when they want soulmates to come together, they put them together. There is always a reason why soulmates meet when they do. It causes both soulmates to take a look at what is not working for them in their lives.
One, or both, of the soulmates could be in previous relationships that have run their course and must come to an end. It could be to take a different career path, or to focus more, or less, on their current job/career. Another reason is to break bad relationship habits, otherwise they will just wind up in one dysfunctional relationship after another.
Friends and family may have created a toxic environment and the soulmate enters to help them break these ties that are holding them back from happiness and their life purpose. So when a soulmate enters, something has to exit. These exits, whether they are people, or ways of thinking or behaving, bring tons of drama and resistance with them. In many cases, only a soulmate connection can give each individual the kick in the pants, or the inner strength, to create those changes that would otherwise go unchanged.
Soulmate connections are rare and you don’t have hundreds of them to choose from. Just because you have a strong pull towards someone does not mean they are your soulmate. That pull could just be a strong physical chemistry, which is often confused with a soulmate connection. Although soulmates have a strong physical chemistry, not all couples with a strong physical chemistry are your soulmate.
You may be strongly attracted to someone because something is missing in your life, and that part of you has remained dormant for a long time. When it awakens it can feel really powerful and shake your life up. Does that mean they are a soul mate? Not necessarily. It could just be a strong attraction you have to something that you lost, or never had. There can be many instances where you meet people you feel a strong attraction to, a crush on, love, infatuation, or have special feelings for. They won’t all be soulmates, and it is important you don’t put the soulmate label on the wrong person.
Check our other article: Stop Trying to Make the Wrong Person Your Soulmate
Soulmate relationships, like all relationships, can be manipulated with guilt trips. It is one thing to feel guilty for doing something wrong to your soulmate. It makes sense to feel remorse and guilt if you have hurt your soulmate and feel terrible about it. Guilt trips are another matter all together. Soulmates can use guilt trips in order to get what they want. They may want you to feel overly guilty for little things they can use against you. When a soulmate uses guilt trips to get their way, or to get attention, rarely will they stop on their own. Once you have shown them guilt trips work in their favor, they will use them against you as often as they like.
We all have the desire to express our feelings of hurt when a soulmate makes us feel bad. We communicate with one another to hopefully resolve the issues and move forward. That is not the intention of a soulmate guilt trip. They pretend to be more hurt than they are and want you to feel worse than you should. In doing so, they can get the attention they seek and the reward they want. What most people do not realize is that if a person has been taken on one guilt trip too many, resentment starts to build. They have begun to recognize the guilt trips and the manipulation. They are tired of being forced to feel guilty for every little thing and begin to emotionally distance themselves. This can cause the deterioration of a soulmate relationship. We all know right from wrong and we all screw up. It is the constant badgering that one soulmate does to the other that pushes the relationship over the edge. No one likes the feeling of being manipulated, and no one likes the manipulator after a while either.
Countless times we have seen examples of guilt trips being uses to control or manipulate soulmates. One common way soulmates use guilt trips is by using the connection itself. For example: Soulmate “A” screws up royally. They were supposed to go to a party with soulmate “B” but they were a no-show. Then they were silent for a week, never calling, texting or emailing to explain why they failed to show up. By the second week, soulmate “B” is really pissed off. Their calls have not been returned, and soulmate “A” has dropped off the face of the earth. So they make one last call leaving a message saying they will not tolerate this behavior, and that the relationship is over. Soulmate “A” uses a guilt trip by texting back “But you are the one that said we were soulmates, I guess you lied to me. If I was really your soulmate you wouldn’t be breaking up with me”. You would be shocked to learn how much this kind of guilt trip happens between soulmates. One uses the connection between them as a way to constantly avoid consequences. They also use it to keep the other soulmate from leaving them.
So how do you avoid being taken on a soulmate guilt trip? Well first of all, if you are the only one really feeling guilty all the time then chances are you are being taken on a guilt trip. You know right from wrong. And if it really was a minor mistake or misunderstanding, it should be easily resolved. Especially if your soulmate is the one that screws up time and again. You should never feel guilty for refusing to take anyone’s mistreatment of you. You should never feel guilty about expressing your pain or hurt, as long as it is done properly. But neither one of you has the right to beat it to death over and over and bring it up year after year after year. Guilt trips are like poison to soulmate relationships, and any relationship for that matter, so don’t fall for them and don’t use them with your soulmate.
Many times we see self-entitlement in soulmate relationships. Because of the connection between soulmates, quite often one, or both ,may have a sense of entitlement. When it comes to soulmate relationships, this often translates to one of the soulmates “getting away with murder”. Some soulmates think that no matter what they do or say, the connection will keep the relationship together. They rely on the connection between the two soulmates as a “get out of jail free card” and use it quite often. This is simply not true, and has cost more than one soulmate couple their relationship.
A connection does exist between soulmates, but at a certain point self-entitlement can create dysfunction and chaos. When the connection is used against one partner, the relationship becomes very one-sided. But what exactly is soulmate self-entitlement? It is the same thing as self-entitlement, but to a much larger degree, which of course, makes it harder to deal with.
When you have a soulmate it is very easy to feel as though your whole world revolves around them. This is actually quite normal. The problem is, when it revolves around only one of them, the other feels very left out. There has to be a balance in all relationships, including soulmate relationships, if they are going to work out in the long run. So be careful to make sure when you meet your soulmate that you do not go too far overboard and leave yourself behind. Allow your soulmate to do as much for you as you do for them. If they aren’t, you need to pull back on your efforts.
Self-entitlement between soulmates also occurs due to the extreme emotions involved in a soulmate connection. Anyone in a soulmate relationship experiences emotional highs and lows. So when soulmates have arguments, a soulmate with a sense of sense entitlement can hit below the belt. Way, way, WAY below the belt.
The things soulmates can do to one another, especially in the beginning of the relationship, are shocking. Not all couples go through this, but most soulmate couples do. Often one soulmate recognizes the connection right away and is more comfortable with it than the other. The other partner will act out, flip-flop, or even run. The soulmate who recognizes the connection often chases after them, and wants to talk to them about the connection to ease their mind. This rarely, if ever creates a harmonious relationship. What it actually creates is soulmate self-entitlement.
The one causing pain to other sees how much the other is putting up with and that they are always forgiven pretty easily. They then feel entitled to push the boundaries and repeat bad behavior. They begin to feel a sense of self-entitlement that no matter what they do to their soulmate, they will always be there for them. Bad idea. Real bad idea. This is NOT what you want your soulmate to learn. Why? Because any relationship without boundaries has no choice but to become dysfunctional down the road.
Nothing is more miserable than a dysfunctional soulmate relationship, so be careful. If you see that your soulmate relationship has self-entitlement issues, it is time to address them. Not by talking, but by putting your foot down and keeping it down. Action, not words, are the remedy for soulmate self-entitlement issues, so don’t bother having long discussions about it. Your words didn’t give them a feeling of self-entitlement, your actions did. So obviously that is what you have to change.